and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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