I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
