its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
