TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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