I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize