I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
