I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
