Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize