i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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