Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
