I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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