after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
