well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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