I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
