dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
