I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
