if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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