shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
