when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
