A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
