he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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