and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
