This is not my ceiling
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We don't watch enough power rangers
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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