We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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