I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
