i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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