dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
