Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
