I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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