i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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