she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
