conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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