i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
