you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
