my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh god it's open bar.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
