You're so nebulous sometimes
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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