she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
