dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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