how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize