i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
