Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
