I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this will be a night to untag.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
