dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
