Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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