No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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