I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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