What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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