I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
