ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
