I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
