but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize