Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
