They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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