my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
