WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
