I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
