He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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