i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
