the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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