eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
