i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
