my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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