I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
