Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
