So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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