we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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