dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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