And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize