god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
should my penis look like a turkey
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
