i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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