I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
