I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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