The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
