SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
