thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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