I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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