You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
