Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
