The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
