And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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