david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
