There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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