Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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